You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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