I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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