New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
