We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
