i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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