She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
