help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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