Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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