i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
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