Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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