if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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