ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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