Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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