Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
