I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
