I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
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