I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
