He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
