glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
