It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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