you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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