Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He shit in the fireplace
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
