he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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