She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
