i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
