Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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