i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Randomize
