dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
