It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
