yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize