It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
