Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
what day is it and did you see me today?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
