i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
