why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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