so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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