they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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