just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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