he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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