he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
