I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
