my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
