If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
