I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
