then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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