Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
