what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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