Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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