I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
