now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
