he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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