I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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